Our Little Meatloaf

OK, I give in. Here is an official "belly picture." Today, I am 28 weeks. The first day of my third trimester. Time is flying! This picture is truly terrible... but honestly, I haven't taken a picture I don't hate in a few months. (Sean took our first real "belly picture" at 19 weeks. I hated it so much I threw the camera on the bed and told him he "chose the worst angle possible to take the picture." This is the first one we've taken since then. I look way worse in this one. I had Jet pose with me, cause he's cute.)




At school today, a little boy was telling me that his mom's expecting, and he's really excited! He said, "The baby used to be the size of a grain of rice, and now it's a peanut!" I start reminiscing about when the doctor told us our baby was the size of a grain of rice... and I say, "Time flies! Before you know it your baby is going to be as big as mine!" The little boy says, "Your baby's as big as a meatloaf!" He may be right! Ha!


This past Saturday, Sean's friend Matt brought over his brand new eight-week-old black lab puppy! I fell in love. I wanted to keep him. I thought this picture was funny- Jet was SO interested! He had to assert his dominance over this sweet little dog... and after he got in trouble, he just wanted to play. They also took a nap together. Oooooh! So cute!




I proceeded to hog the puppy for the rest of the visit. He was absolutely precious. I want one. I know I'm probably only saying this because I haven't had my baby yet... but I think puppies are cuter than babies. If I see someone with a puppy- I HAVE to go ask to hold it. If I see someone with a baby- I may say, "oh, how sweet!" but I don't HAVE to hold it. Puppies are irresistible.

Jet has been a "momma's boy" lately, as Sean would say. I love it. He's the sweetest dog. While we were attempting to take some pictures for a Christmas card, we snapped this one of Jet just being super cute. He was so patient. We made him pose in several different, annoying poses and he still loves me!

Our friends Barbara and Robert moved to our neighborhood recently and Sean has made a new buddy. This is Caroline- one of their super adorable twin girls. She seems to like him (not quite sure why :)) and he really loves her. Cracks me up how she'll just sit and watch football with him!

The last week or so I've started to get so tired. I have energy in the morning and after I eat lunch, I'm on a downward spiral until I fall asleep on the couch around 8:00. At the latest. I am pretty boring lately. Which is why I need to post a few pictures from my trip to Nac a few weekends ago. I think this was the last time I was interesting! I actually stayed out until 1:00 am! I have no idea how I did it.

This first one is of me and my friend Dawson, whose birthday we were celebrating. He wasn't embarrassed to dance with the only pregnant woman who was tacky enough to go to the bar. (Don't worry- Nac is smoke free now.)

Now here's one of me and Brandon- one of my sister's best friends. He graciously let us stay at his apartment and dealt beautifully with my bossiness (he started calling me "Mrs. Hale"). This is a fake wedding picture. Apparently, at one point, he thought we were going to get married. When he met my sister, he introduced himself as her "future brother-in-law." This cracks me up! We had to pose together, just for fun! Ha!

And, here's one of me, Jenni, and Brandon. Jenni is my little sister, but because she's taller than me, everyone thinks she's older. Some of her friends that I met that day were carefully asking questions to figure out whether I was her "just graduated from high school and pregnant" sister. Really! I told a couple of guys that I graduated in 2003... and they said, "from high school?" HA! I also got a few "pity looks" from people as we walked around campus. "That poor pregnant girl" "I wonder if she'll have to drop out of school?" "I wonder if the daddy is still in the picture?" It was pretty funny! I wanted to shout out, "I'm married and almost thirty! Stop feeling sorry for me!"

Another Kid Story...

My coworker and friend, Emily, had a small group of my students in her room the other day and asked them (because she's such a poop), "How is Mrs. Hale different now that she's pregnant?" Here's how they responded...

"She eats a lot of snacks."

"She eats her lunch at snack time now."

"Yeah, she ate a sandwich at 9:30 this morning."

Oh yes, it's all true. I'm always so hungry! Ahhh!

Love What Kids Say

Kids sure love someone pregnant. Everyday I get about 20 questions (18 of those repeated from the day before) about the baby and all things related to it.

"What are you going to name your baby?"
"Can you feel the baby move?"
"Does the baby pee inside you?"
"If the baby pees inside you, does it drink its own pee?"
"When will the baby be here?"
"Will you bring your baby to school?"
"Does it hurt when the baby kicks you?"
"Will you still be our teacher after you have your baby?"
"Can you feel the baby pass gas in your belly?" (My personal favorite.)


If I say I'm tired, a student will say, "Maybe it's because the baby is eating all your food."

If I drop something, a student will say, "It's the baby."

If I eat a piece of cake (happens more often than I'd like to admit), a student will say, "Your baby is going to be really sweet because of all the sugar you eat."

When I told my class the baby is a boy, all the boys shouted, "YESSSSS!" and either jumped out of their seats, or pumped their fists in the air. (Everything is a boy vs. girl contest in the fourth grade. The girls are always ahead, boys. Better to learn it now.)


My baby has already received pictures, letters, and one exceptionally sweet poem (which is now on my fridge).

The baby moving is always a popular topic of conversation...

Little girl: Mrs. Hale, can you feel the baby move?
Me: Yes.
Little girl: Can we feel it?
Me: Not yet, the baby's not big enough for you to feel it. (Lie. Do you want 20 pairs of grubby little hands all over your belly? Thought not.) He's still too little.
Little boy: He doesn't look that little to me.


My belly is another very popular subject...

Little girl 1: Mrs. Hale (slight pause) I don't know if this is appropriate or not, but (another pause) your belly sure is big.
Me: Really?
Little girl 1: Yeah, I mean, at the beginning of the year your belly was only a little big, and now it's huge.
Me: Wow, huge? (And was my belly already "a little big" at the beginning of the year?!)
Little girl 1: Yeah. Definitely.
Little girl 2: Yeah, Mrs. Hale. Isn't Mrs. Bass pregnant too?
Me: Yes. She is!
Little girl 2: Well, you're bigger than her.
(She's due two weeks after me.)

I guess there's no denying I'm looking pretty pregnant these days! My coworkers say how "cute" I look... the kids waste no time bringing me right back down to Earth! Honestly... I love it. I think it's so amazing that kids will say exactly what they're thinking. How can you not love that innocence? They'll be full of polite crap soon enough.

Venting, Apology in Advance

I'm really frustrated right now. First, Jet won't stop nudging me for pets, so typing is difficult. Second, I'm gaining weight at break-neck speed. Third, I think I'm starting to realize that I'm going to have to work after I have the baby.

Sean and I have been pretty relaxed about money the last couple of years. We've been what a friend calls "DINKs." Double income- no kids. And we've loved it. Now, with baby on the way (only 3 1/2 to 4 months to go) we have been "trying" to cut down on spending. We have been saving my entire paycheck- pretending that I'm not working. But that's not really getting us that much further ahead, because we never were really that great at saving- and didn't have to be because honestly, if we needed a large chunk of money for a big bill or something we'd just have to not spend a lot for a month or two, and we'd have it. We've been spoiled.

The upcoming bills are looming over my head now. Taxes (we don't do escrow), car insurance, income taxes (Sean refuses to change his w-2 and so we'll owe- again), Christmas gifts, hospital bills from birthing baby, baby stuff that we'll need, clothes for my rapidly growing ass, and all the little things you need each month, like, say food. Sean would also like to send Jet to a professional dog trainer for a few months right after the baby's born, and would like to continue his duck lease and all his hunting habits and hobbies which have taken him out of town the last three weekends. My hobbies have been long gone. It's been about 6 months since I've had my hair done, and about 8 since I've had a pedicure (can't count since I've had a manicure). I'd love a massage- my back is starting to bother me. I'd love to go shopping. I think I'll end up shopping for all the weddings and baby showers that are coming in my future... and pray that the jeans I squeezed into yesterday will stretch as well as my belly and I'll be able to wear them for a few more months. Right.

These things are all do-able on one income... on paper. What's happening off-paper that is messing it all up? Either we're "not really serious about it" as Sean says, or "we really can't do it" as I say.

If we're not serious about it, then LET'S GET SERIOUS! (I feel like I've been pretty serious, by the way. Giving up professional grooming is NOT something I take lightly.) I need to know if this can be done! This is not hypothetical anymore... we've got mere months before it's really, really real and I need to find mental peace with whether I'm staying home or working. If I'm working- I've got to find a day care. If I'm staying home I need to prepare a lot more at work than if I'm returning.

Work is another story. I'm so exhausted now, I don't know how I'll be able to balance being a new mom and a teacher. I know women who do it, but I honestly wonder if they feel fulfilled at either one. I got home at six both Wednesday and Thursday nights, and last night I got home at seven. This is doing the "normal" teacher stuff. I'm not staying late to prepare for my long term sub or anything... the thought of which is freaking me out (I hate sub planning). I can't do that when I have a baby. I don't want to be doing it now. Contract hours are from 8:00-4:00. I am not OK with staying hours after school each day, I'm not OK with taking lots of work home (you should see the stack of papers I've got to grade today), and I'm not OK with having morning meetings at least three days out of the week. But things keep getting piled on me from somewhere up above and I keep trying to dig my way out without looking like a loser while I'm at it.

Maybe I'll come to an epiphany today while cleaning my house, doing laundry, paying bills, and grading papers- all of which I must consider my new hobbies because I don't seem to do anything else. Well, besides cooking dinner, running errands, and working. I can't wait to see how I'll balance baby into the mix.

I am in need of some (cheap) fun. And an attitude adjustment. Seriously.

A Baby Boy!

Here's a picture of the little angel! We had our ultrasound appointment on Monday. We were both so nervous! It was such a big moment to see the baby whose little bitty feet have been kicking my belly the last couple of weeks! Of course we wanted to know right away if it was a boy or girl, but he had other plans! He was pretty uncooperative (a sign for my future?) but finally gave us the money shot, and made Sean a very happy daddy!


At one point, Sean asked the sonographer if the baby had two arms, because he couldn't see the other one... just as she moved the wand over to get a better picture of his little arm, he raised it right up and waved at us! Already a daddy's boy!

The day was going pretty great, until we talked to the doctor. Our little guy has (the medical term is long and completely scary, so I'll describe this in a much less scary way) a special little heart. As the doctor described it, one part of his heart appears white on the ultrasound. After many, many questions the basics of what I learned is that this is not completely uncommon. 10% of normal babies' hearts visualize this way on ultrasound (1 out of 10 equates to lots and lots of babies when you think about it) and about 50% of babies who have other heath issues (down syndrome, heart problems...) have hearts that visualize this way. Seeing this is in no way an indicator of one of those other issues, it just happens to be more common among those babies. This doesn't mean any future heart or health problems, in fact, they won't even check on it again. It will always appear this way via ultrasound, but won't be an issue for him. Dr. Levin said that she hesitates to tell parents about this, but is obligated to disclose this information to us. She said our risks for anything serious are very low, and she doesn't see any reason to worry.

That is way, way easier said than done. Sean did a little research (I know myself well enough to know that I should never, ever research any health related issues online) and I talked to my little sister who is also a sonographer, and we both keep getting the same answers: there is no reason to worry. This doesn't really mean anything, actually. If they saw other possible problems in addition to his special little heart then they would have said something, and they would have been concerned. This heart anomaly alone isn't an indicator of anything. It just makes him a little special. Like all the left-handers out there.

Everything else looks good. He's the right size, and has all his parts (including one little boy part). And that special little heart was beating away at 140 beats per minute- perfect! We saw his little arms and legs moving, and his little toes! I can't even think how small they must be! Oooooh!

The last couple of days have taught me how much I love this baby. My heart just aches when I think about how much I want him to be healthy and happy. Who wants their child to enter the world with even more challenges than they would have faced being just a "normal" kid? I feel like I'm constantly saying a little prayer for him. I'm constantly replaying all the conversations I've had with the doctor, with my sister, with Sean. I shouldn't worry. I know it. I'm feeling better about it every day (which is why I haven't posted sooner). I am trying to let go, and trust in God. Everything will be OK.


(Deep breath.)

Big Changes!

Kristin had her baby! A beautiful little baby GIRL!!! Ahhhh!!!! Check out her blog to see adorable pictures of little Karter Lynn (just click on Kristin's name above). What a beautiful baby and a beautiful mommy!


Today was my first day back to school after two days out sick. It's so hard to miss work, I swear. Catching up is ridiculous. I was staring at a huge stack of papers when a kid comes up to me and says, wide-eyed, "Mrs. Hale! You've got a TON of papers to grade!" Thanks, kid.

To make this a really interesting week, I have staff development off-campus tomorrow and won't be at school... again! So today after school, as I'm trying to pick up the pieces of my room and gather together some work to take home, I also have to write another day of sub plans.

This is such a pain in the ass, for several reasons, all of which make no sense unless you're a teacher. So, let me explain in another way. Let's say you're throwing a huge party, but suddenly you're sick and can't do it. Instead of cancelling the party, you have to write down every stupid detail and have your husband do it. Your husband sort-of remembers that you mentioned a party once, but doesn't know when or where it is. He has no idea who is coming, and has no idea what you've already taken hours to plan. You have to write it all out, minute by minute. Draw a diagram of where the tables should be, what food to put out, what drinks to serve (forget the fact that hubby has no idea how to actually make any of the recipes you've planned). Make sure you write down some ideas for how to deal with difficult Aunt Betty, who acts out and makes all the other guests upset. He's also going to need to know where all the supplies are- and when to hand out the party favors.

It is overwhelming to have to sit down and write out every forseeable detail of your work day for someone who has never set foot in your classroom before. So... as I am fluttering around my room gathering everything the sub will need and typing up all the details my mind wanders over to Kristin and her new baby and it hits me... my life is about to change big time.

In February (that's only 5 months away!) I won't be thinking about what's happening in my classroom. It will feel like a world away. All those little details that seem so important now that I would spend over an hour typing up for someone else won't seem important at all. I'm going to be balancing feedings, and sleep, and diaper changes into my life at home with Sean and Jet and will absolutely not be worried about work.

Wow. I can't wait!

Oh, shit. I just remembered a counselor lesson that's scheduled for tomorrow... better email a teammate so they can add it to my plans in the morning! Never ending, I swear...

OMG

(I hate using OMG, but really OMf-ingG!)

Current time- 1:30 am
Time of attempted bedtime- 9:30 pm

I love sleep. I usually have NO problem falling asleep- waking up is another story. Not tonight. And truly, I haven't had good sleep since Wednesday night- I've been sick and having a hell of a time sleeping. Tonight I feel like I'm having a full on panic attack. My heart is racing and I can't catch my breath. Nothing can distract me from this feeling, and although I'm tired, I absolutely, without a doubt, CAN NOT fall asleep. My nose has been half stuffed since Thursday night. I HATE it. Why does this happen? Why does one nostril have to be stuffed, while the other is totally fine? If one can be fine, both should be fine. I also have a constant throat tickle which makes me feel like I need to cough, but don't really need to. So I'm just wondering constantly if I should cough or not. How stupid! If only I could breathe through my NOSE maybe this wouldn't be a problem.

I've tried the following things:
Using the restroom.
Glass of water (then more trips to the restroom)
Tums (maybe it was just an upset stomach)
Hot tea with honey (and another restroom trip)
Crackers
A familiar movie that usually puts me right to sleep
A change of clothes
A walk around the house
Prayer. Lots of it.
Waking up hubby to see if he can calm me down. (What a DUMB idea.)
Relaxation breathing exercises and self-talk.
A cold wash cloth on my head (a ridiculous last ditch attempt)

I give up. I f-ing give up. I feel like I just drank an entire pot of coffee- but we know that I surely didn't because hello- 19 weeks pregnant. No coffee for me. What might work nicely is a little shot of something, a beer, glass of wine... but no to those. I could also stand a huge pain killer with a sleep aid. Anything to knock me out. Advil PM used to do the trick nicely. A couple of Benedryl sound great. (I know that I can probably take some of those things and the baby would be fine. But I don't want to risk anything. After being sick and feeling guilty for the last 5 days I don't want to take anything. I just want to sleep.) I feel like pulling my hair out. And now, you're reading the most boring blog post of all time.

A couple of reasons why I think I am panicking about sleep right now:

1. My mom had one miscarriage- in between me and my sister Jenni. She was around 20 weeks and had bronchitis. She was coughing so much her water broke and she lost the baby boy. Imagine what crosses my mind every time I cough.

2. As I'm watching TV before bed Sean randomly shouts at me to "Get ready for bed! How are you going to get well if you don't go to bed RIGHT NOW!?!!" Wanna put a little pressure on me, honey? Thanks. After 30 minutes of laying in bed freaking out- I get up and go in the living room. He busts out of the bedroom and shouts at me again, "You need to be sleeping!!! What are you thinking?" I don't know, Sean. I usually feel really sleepy after being harrassed about not sleeping. Geez.

I guess it's time to stop bitching. Maybe I'll go clean out the closet. On a side note- the entire time I've been typing this the baby has been moving around like crazy!! It keeps happening whenever Sean isn't around to feel it. While I LOVE to feel him/her moving- I can't help but think this is just the beginning of the baby's defiant nature. I beg him/her to move when Sean is sitting next to me- and NOTHING. As soon as Sean leaves the house, or falls asleep, or whatever... baby moves. It's like he's saying, "F-you, Mommy! I do what I want!" (No doubt this IS Sean's child.)

I need to sleep. OMG.