Uterus Update

This morning I had my appointment with Dr. Levin. She did an exam of my uterus and a quick biopsy of what she thought was a fibroid... but now she says is a polyp. (Since I am avoiding all Internet research of these topics, and since I was too drugged up at the appointment to ask any questions, I can only assume that a polyp is like a cyst or a growth, or whatever.)

The procedure itself was quick, but really, really uncomfortable. Afterwards, I've felt tired and crampy, but all around not too bad. Sean was there. He said he was wincing for me because he could tell it hurt so much. Sweet husband. He was really supportive and took good care of me (mostly he had to help hold me up- that Valium really made me loopy!)

If I'm remembering accurately, Dr. Levin says that this polyp is pretty good size, not huge by any means, but too big to take out while I'm awake. She said she is sure it is the cause of all my yucky period symptoms as well as keeping me from getting pregnant.

My surgery is next Friday. I'm glad the ball is rolling so quickly. I am so glad I went to the doctor when I did, and that she is so proactive. She told us today that we will need to wait for two months after the surgery to start trying for babies again.

I am feeling really emotional about all of this. I'm scared of the surgery. I'm scared of getting pregnant after the surgery. I keep asking myself: Is this really necessary? Do I really need to have this procedure done? Do I really want to have kids anyway? How expensive will this be? Should I be doing this? And what if after the surgery, I still can't get pregnant? Will we do more? Will we just give up?

I know I need to relax. The one Valium I took (oh yes, just one) made me loopy and tired, and now I'm sure it's contributing to all this cry-baby, annoying behavior. I want to snap out of this. The past few weeks I've been tired and stressed. I haven't felt like myself in a long time. I've been going non-stop, and now it's just all snowballing. My poor husband. I feel like I haven't really been a partner lately. He's just been carrying me along. What is it going to take to get back to normal?