Pop Quiz

Try to answer the following questions, keeping in mind that my son had the stomach flu yesterday and last night I was up every hour on the hour cleaning up vomit and such and am now totally sleep deprived and a raging bitch.

1. My husband volunteers to do the laundry because

a. he is a clean freak.
b. his life-long dream is to own a coin-operated laundry mat.
c. he loves the smell of Arm and Hammer Free.
d. he would rather fold every article of clothing in the house than entertain a cranky baby.


2. A child, when angry and fussing, always "wants his mommy" because

a. his mother has super powers that immdiately calm said baby.
b. he loves his mother more than anything in the world, even sugary cereal.
c. no one wants to hold a crying baby. The child's mother doesn't have a choice. When someone says, "oh, he just wants his mommy," mommy has to act like this is true and that she wants nothing more than to hold her fussing baby, when in all honesty everyone should say the truth: "mommy is the only one who loves her baby enough to deal with this hysteria and she deserves a gold medal."
d. she's just so darn pretty without a shower and covered in baby vomit.


3. I have decided it's vitally important to decorate NOW for Carson's birthday party that is one week away because I

a. am a total loser.
b. will actually need an entire week to complete the amount of birthday ridiculocity I have planned.
c. have nothing better to do.
d. both a and b.


4. I went on a walk this evening with my husband and son because I

a. love nature.
b. love exercise.
c. will do anything to not hear a fussing baby with football commentary in the background.
d. enjoy seeing all the gorgreous winter landscaping in my neighborhood.


5. My child is about to turn one year old. What else have I not done in about a year?

a. had a pedicure.
b. slept in past 7 am.
c. fit in my pre-pregnancy jeans.
d. all of the above.


6. I should stop this post immediately because

a. I would rather be cleaning my bathrooms.
b. I can't wait to put away all the folded clothes laid all over my living room couches.
c. I'm about to be wisked away by Prince-f-ing-Charming.
d. my complaints are so pathetic that I should be slapped and there are people out there with problems that make me look like a pretty-pretty princess on her big, fat, annoying throne.


Answers:
1. Obviously, d.
2. Ummm, hello, c.
3. D, duh.
4. You don't know me well enough if you said anything other than c.
5. Yes. D; all of the above. And now I'm going to cry.
6. Prince Charming is waiting, y'all.