Motherhood Surprises

Carson's first birthday is coming up so quickly; it's turning me into a teary-eyed mess. I cried three times yesterday- and that was during a 30 minute car ride. I am so, so thrilled that we've all actually survived his first year, and I'm so sad that it's passed by so quickly.

Coming home from the hospital. Sigh!

My BIG guy at the park.

I can't believe how different he is now! And how much FUN he's become!

I'm sure the next couple of weeks will be filled with sappy posts like this one. I just can't help myself! My baybee is getting sooooo biiiiig!!! I loooooove him!!!!

So, here are a few things that have surprised me about motherhood during the past 11 months, 1 week, 3 days, and 2 hours (sob, sob!)...


1. Motherhood is All-Consuming

My thought process about everything is completely different. Every single minute of every day I am thinking about Carson, where he is, what he's doing, when he needs to eat/nap/bathe/play... and how am I going to fit in the things I need to do around all these baby activities? Do I hear him on the baby monitor? How long has he been sleeping? Is that another tooth? Was that just a sneeze or is he getting sick? Do I smell poop?

I am always in mommy-mode. Even when we are away from him. It's exhausting. I guess I thought that when I wasn't around him, or during naptime, I would be able to shut it off and really relax- but nope. I'm always thinking about him.

I also thought that I would be able to have an adult conversation without talking about him. HA! I'm that boring mom who only wants to talk about her kid. The proof- this blog. I gush about him and that's about it ever since he was born. This mommy-thing is totally all I do now.


2. My New Bathroom Visitor

I didn't realize that as soon as Carson could crawl, I would have a friend every time I need to use the restroom. Seriously... I would love to just have like, 2 minutes to pee and be by myself. But the problem is- if he's not in the restroom with me, I have no idea what he's getting into. So, I have a bathroom visitor each time I go. He follows me in and proceeds to unroll the toilet paper, pull everything out of the cabinets, and my personal favorite, pull up on my lap and smile at me. I guess when you pee your pants it's not that gross to be so close to your mommy while she's peeing. It's such a special part of motherhood that I didn't anticipate.


3. The LONG Transition to SAHM

Before I even got pregnant I so wanted to be a SAHM (I'm sure you know, but will say anyway- that's Stay At Home Mom). And honestly, it's taken much longer than I thought it would to actually adjust to it.

When I taught, I had a school-family that I got to see everyday. I was a part of something outside of my home that gave me a sense of self-worth. I was important to those 22 kids and my teammates. It meant the world to me.

Staying at home, my world is completely different. So, so different. I am surrounded by a different set of people (a much smaller set). My only teammate is my husband. My day doesn't have a start and an end, and I don't have a "weekend." All my days kind of run into each other; one big long pattern of feed the baby, play with the baby, put the baby to sleep, sneak in some "me time", run errands, clean up, feed the baby, play with the baby, put the baby to sleep...

I have to find things to focus on and look forward to so that I don't feel like I'm in a rut. Play dates are vital. I LOVE PLAY DATES!!!! I need that mommy-mommy conversation so I don't feel like I'm alone. Obviously, I'm not alone. I mean, that's stupid. But when your old world seems to move on without you, it does feel a little lonely at first.

I've gotten way more into hobbies than I was when I was working- and I think that's how I'm replacing that need for feeling fulfilled. When I finish a sewing project- it's done. It stays done. And I can look at it and feel good about it. Carson is a total work in progress and being a mommy is never done. Also- as babies are- he's totally ungrateful. When I make a gift for someone- they tend to thank me. Even if they don't like it, they still thank me. It's nice to feel appreciated.

Sorry for the rambling... It's just really surprising to me how long it's taken me to adjust, especially when I wanted it so badly. Now, almost a year later, I feel OK that my world is different. I don't feel like I'm scrambling to hold on to what I had anymore. I'm a SAHM and it's OK. It's good. Actually, it's great! I've gotten to spend the majority of Carson's first year with him, and I'll never be able to replace that. And, I don't miss grading papers. Or parent conferences. Or Meet the Teacher Night. Or Open House... OK. I'll stop. Although I could go on.