Melting

Right now, my heart is a big puddle somewhere in my living room.

After feeding Carson this morning, I laid him across my lap while I got his burp cloth ready.  I looked down at him, and saw the most amazing smile spread across his little face.  I spent the next precious minutes playing with him and watching him smile up at me again and again.

Little smiles, big smiles, whole-faced dimpled smiles... I can't get enough.

After the first few (extremely difficult) weeks, I can't say how much I enjoyed this morning with my son.  I know more of these times are ahead, and I am so thankful.

What an amazing blessing.

First Date!

Carson had his very first date today... with the very cute Miss Eloise Betty!

What's cuter than two wiggly babies?

Carson Lane!  You should never hit a lady!  What is your father teaching you?

Tummy Trouble

My poor little baby has been having such tummy problems lately!  He gets really gassy and uncomfortable sometimes once, twice, or even more times a day.  He'll cry and cry and wiggle around, arching his little back.  And, of course, spitting up and burping a bunch!  This doesn't happen every day, nor does it happen after every feeding... so I don't think he's got reflux that needs medicating... or do I?  I don't know! When this happens, I'll get him all calmed down, and then I lay him in his crib- where he sleeps beautifully most of the time.  After 10 minues or less, he's crying again and the only way he'll fall asleep is if I'm holding him.  I'm wondering if I shouldn't just sleep him on his stomach- since that's how he's sleeping on my chest and seems to really like it.  Hmmmm....  Of course, sometimes he's fussy not from tummy bubbles, but because the little man hates pooping!  When he has to pass gas or poop, he can really have a screaming fit!

I wish I knew what to do!  I hate that he's uncomfortable and I really don't have an answer.  I keep thinking that maybe it's something I'm eating... but what?!?!?!  Poor Carson!

Busy Weekend Freak-Out

OK.

Deep breath.

This weekend is going to be so busy!  I've never had a busy weekend with a baby and I'm freaking out! 

I'm finding out SO much about myself now that I'm a mother.  For example, I'm a control freak.  Didn't know that before.  (How didn't I know, right?  Seems really obvious now.)  I'm so proud of this little pseudo-schedule I've got going with Carson and I'm afraid that it's all going to go to shit while we're visiting/entertaining/traveling/etc. 

Also, my house is dirty and people have flown here from out of state to see my baby and my house is DIRTY!!  I am blogging while my toilet is waiting to be scrubbed.  I am freaking a little about this, but I also see this as my only opportunity to have a dirty house and be completely excused from it.  So, obviously I've made my choice.  Toilet remains dirty.

Now, I need to go feed my sweet, precious, adorable baby.  But not before I post another stinking cute picture of him!

Two Weeks, Three Days

Here's what I've learned about motherhood so far:

1. Childbirth is freaking hard.  I kept hearing that "pushing isn't the hard part."  That's BS.  Pushing is absolutely the hard part.  It hurts like hell, and you have to keep doing it because there is no other way to get the baby out.  And, if you request a last minute c-section, the doctor will ignore you and the nurses will laugh at you and tell you that they had three kids without an epidural.

2.  Recovering from childbirth is freaking hard.  And gross.  Who knew?  Every mother out there.  But, do they tell you?  No.  But, I must say that it's pretty amazing how fast you start to forget that you had an episotomy and that you pushed a baby out.  And that you got stitched up without any numbing medication.  My belly looks pretty normal at this point too.  People wouldn't think I was pregnant anymore, but I'm still a good 15 pounds away from my starting weight.  I look pretty decent, I just feel mushy everywhere.  I'm not upset about it.  As a friend told me I would be, I'm too tired to care.

3.  Sleep deprivation is torture.  For any of you whose baby "slept through the night at two weeks old"... I curse you.  And I guess that includes me and my mother, because she keeps reminding me that she had me sleeping through the night at five days old.  Maybe I can blame Carson's waking habits on my husband.  I will.  Honestly- why do I have to wake him to eat during the day, but at night he can easily rouse himself after three hours?  Why??? 

4.  Breastfeeding is miraculous.  I know women struggle with this... the only thing I'm really struggling with is that I'm the only one who can do it.  Other than that, these tiny boobies are getting the job done.  Seriously!  My baby gained a whole 1/2 pound his first week!  He's already outgrowing some of his newborn clothes!  The only thing he's eating is breastmilk, and the little guy is actually thriving.  Remarkable.  I said that if my boobs could actually nourish my child, I would respect them a little more.  I guess I do.

5.  Hormones suck.  Or, the lack of pregnancy hormones sucks.  You build up this huge amount of hormones while you're pregnant and happy, and then the baby is out and all the hormones dissappear in a matter of hours and you're left feeling shittier than you've ever felt in your entire life.  Hot flashes.  Loss of appetite.  Total exhasution, yet sleeplessness.  Anxiety.  Or, let me rephrase that... ANXIETY.  Panic.  Hysterical crying fits. Irrational thoughts. And guilt.  Oh, guilt. 

For me, and I'm assuming I'm not alone, this has been the hardest part.  I'm a wreck.  I think I'm feeling better...?  Today has been pretty good. I've only cried once.  Sean took me to the doctor this morning because (I think) my daily meltdowns have left him feeling freaked out and helpless.  My doctor has given me a prescription for something that is supposed to be safe while breastfeeding, but to be totally honest, I'm not sure I want to take it.  I'm not a drug person.  I don't like taking medications (I was told by the nurses at the hospital that I was the only one who wasn't taking narcotics on the recovery floor.  I was taking motrin.).  I don't know what to do.  I hope I figure it out.  Or, start feeling better.  Both would be great.

6.  You will be peed/pooed/spit up on daily.  I expected this, however I didn't really get just how much bodily fluid a small infant can produce.  Sean shouts out "OH MY GOD!!!!"  every time Carson spits up.  I used to get up and run when I heard Sean shouting... not anymore.  Ever hear of the boy who cried wolf?  Yeah.

7.  Moms have bragging rights.  Yes. I'm a mom now, so I'm going to take a moment to show you how ADORABLE my son is! Ooooooohhh!!!! How can you not want to kiss that face? Sean and I had newborn photographs taken by Sara Griffin- she's fantastic! I highly recommend her! Check out her blog to see her portfolio, and some more cute pictures of Carson, of course.


Must go.  But first- I can't figure out how to spell check my blog posts anymore. Annoying.  Please know that any misspellings are not because I don't care or know any better, but because I'm a dummy who can't figure out how to use a computer.  This distinction is (oddly) important to me.

Introducing...

Carson Lane Hale

February 7, 2010

8:06 am

6 pounds 10.8 ounces

19 1/2 inches long

No baby yet!

I'm sure since it's been so long since I've posted, you may have been thinking, "JoDee had her baby!"  No.  I haven't, I've just been really lazy!

My due date is next Monday, February 8.  As of today... the plan is to induce next Thursday if I don't have him before then. Am I in love with this plan?  Not really.  Am I happy to know that he'll be here in a week at most?  Yes. 

I would really like to go into labor on my own.  I don't know why I have such an opinion about this, because I'm not Nature Woman who plans to let my baby come as late as he wants to and not use any drugs and squat down somewhere in a field and poop him out.  I intend to deliver in a hosipital, with an epidural, and with lots of people to tell me how awesome I did and how beautiful my son is.  So why care about being induced?  I think it amounts to this (as stupid as it sounds): I feel guilty about planning on an epidural, and would like to avoid other interventions so as to not feel like an even bigger wimp. 

I keep trying to tell myself that it doesn't really matter how he gets here, the most important thing is that he gets here safely.  I am so ready to meet him.

Sean and I took a few baby classes at the hospital recently.  It wasn't really fun or all that educational (I am a nerd who has read lots of books, articles, and watched many an episode of The Baby Story) but it was great to spend that time with Sean, and to see all the babies in the nursery!  For one class, we had to meet to eat dinner early at a Mexican restaurant near his office.  The class was from 5-8 pm, and we knew we couldn't wait to eat until 8.  When we walked out of the restaurant, Sean says, "Nice parking job."  When I looked at how I parked my car, I couldn't stop laughing! 

How did I not notice this?  Can I blame it on pregnancy brain?  I have to tell you, I have had more giggle fits since I've been pregnant than I have since I was 13!  These hormones have put me in a pretty good mood and I've been laughing at myself nonstop!  I guess I can't complain too much about being really fat, because I've been pretty happy!

And now, the terrible moment I've been putting off... the 39 week belly picture.  I am so huge. 

You may be thinking... why did she choose this picture to post for the world?  I know.  Believe me when I say that this is the best picture.  I'm not photogenic on my skinniest, best skinned day... so this is pretty much as good as it gets nowadays. 

An update: I am at home today.  I decided to take a few days off to rest and relax before Carson is born.  At most, I will be home a week before the induction... hopefully he'll come before that.  Not working is weird.  I feel like a big wimp about not just finishing out this week.  Do I really need time off?  I don't know.  I feel so tired when I'm at work, maybe it is better to just let someone else take over for a while and give the kids what they need.  I cried my eyes out about it.  I thought it would be so much easier than it actually was.

Sean is glad I'm at home and resting.  He's been AWESOME lately.  I've always thought he was pretty cool, but the last few months, he's been the BEST husband and partner anyone could ever ask for.  I feel spoiled rotten and lucky as hell to have him.  I can't WAIT to see him holding his son.  That's what I'm looking forward to more than anything.  In a week at the most...