After I have the baby...

I will lose all the weight I've gained, plus 5.
I will get facial liposuction.
I will work out more.
I will do crunches.
I will not eat sugar.
I will be bathing-suit ready by July.
I will get a tan (real or fake).
(I will try not to cry as I come to grips with reality. I can already hear all the moms laughing.)


For now, I will try not to look at any pictures of myself. It's like when you hear a recording of your voice and think, "do I really sound like that?" I look at a picture of myself and think, "do I really look like that? What the hell happened to me?" Pregnancy is beautiful- it's just not beautiful spread out all over my ass.


I am strong. I don't need the cheesecake. I don't need the pumpkin pie. I want the salad. I want the lean meat and skim milk. I want to exercise. I don't. Aww, shit.


On one hand, I want my body back and am ready to have the baby. On the other hand, I am freaked out about being a mom and what I'm actually going to be dealing with and I am not ready to have the baby. I also know that I sound like a huge baby and need to grow up. Why am I so pathetic? Why am I so obsessed with my pregnancy weight? And why do I share it so freely with the Internet world? (I start sweating when someone tells me in person that they read my blog. I immediately feel the need to apologize.)


BTW- in my haste to find the actual number of pounds I've gained, I messed up my mental math. I'm not up to 30 pounds yet, so far I've gained 25 pounds. I'm sure it'll be 30 by my next appointment. I needed to post that correction for very obvious reasons.


I read somewhere that you should take the pregnancy photos even if you don't think you want to, because someday you'll be happy you did. I disagree. Who wants to remember themselves when they were at their highest weight and lowest self-esteem? I think people are idiots.


I promise I'll stop bitching now. I'm even making myself nauseated.

(OK, completely unrelated... I changed my blog backgroud to the most boring ever because I keep having trouble with the formatting of my text. Was my background just uncompatible with blogger, or is blogger just really crappy? We shall see.)

(Also unrelated- I can't find the cord for my digital camera.  So... I  have lots of cute pictures to post and stories to tell, and can't.  Although I can't really use that as an excuse for this whiny post.)

Update

Oh my goodness! Thanks so much for all the advice and freebies... Kristin and Roni I'll be emailing you! :)

I had a massage today, and it was heaven. Heaven. I am so glad I went. I am pretty sure that my back will still bother me until after I deliver, but why not get the massage anyway? Plus I really love my massage lady... highly recommend Gaynell! She's at least 100 times better than any spa massage you'll ever get. Seriously- try her!

I will probably hold off on the pillow for now, and see if I can get by with my make-shift system. I would rather spend my money on something else... we'll see.

I went back to the doctor yesterday, and everything looks fine! I got checked for leaking again, this time it came back negative! My doctor basically told me she thinks I peed my pants on Monday, but I really don't think I did. I have a lot of experience peeing and I really don't think that was it. Oh well. As long as the boy is good, then I'm good. I guess I'd rather pee my pants everyday than have something happen to this little guy. That's so strange to say.

I also got to see a little glimpse of him since Dr. Levin did a short ultrasound to check my water level. He is definitely a boy! He was showing off his man business big time! I cracked up when she said, "There's his scrotum, and there's his hand!" Ha!!! He's playing with himself already! He was also head down and lots bigger than our 20 week ultrasound. He wouldn't really let us get a look at his face, so I'm looking forward to my next appointment when I'll have another ultrasound to check his weight and position. I can't believe how close we're getting to meeting him.

Sean's outside putting up Christmas lights, so I think I'll go check it out. I'm so excited!

A Scare and a Couple of Questions

Today I was walking around my classroom when I felt a sudden (and very gross) wet feeling. I decided to go to the bathroom to check it out, I mean I had just been there about 5 minutes ago, so why not go back?

What I saw freaked me out enough to think that maybe I was leaking amniotic fluid. But who knows, I mean, pregnancy has blessed me with lots of gross symptoms, so maybe this was just another one? I called the doctor's office and they had me come in for an exam.

The adorable doctor's assistant used a little strip to say whether or not I was leaking fluid... and it came back positive. YIKES! I was instantly freaking out, visions of bed rest over my favorite of favorite holiday seasons filling my head... but then Dr. Levin came to examine me and she said she really didn't think I was leaking fluid, but to make sure, she wanted me to come back and get checked again tomorrow. I think everything is OK. I am praying everything will be OK. This baby is just too little to come out yet. He needs to stay in the oven!!

To take my mind off of this scare I decided to make a pumpkin pie. I didn't get nearly enough last week and I thought I could use some more. Especially since they told me today that I don't have gestational diabetes. Free pass for more pie! (Did you know that it takes over an hour for it to bake, and then two hours for it to cool!!! BS! I am dying here!) I am anemic, however, and will begin taking iron supplements tomorrow.


Now, for a couple of questions for the moms out there...


1. What do I do about back pain?

I have been having lower back pain, and all-over back pain the past few days and I'm wondering if this is just to be expected, or if there's anything I can do about it. It's been really hard to get comfortable- especially at night. Which leads me to my next question,


2. Are body pillows a good investment?

I have been propping pillows around myself and between my knees for a while now, and it seems like one pillow is too small and the other is too big... they move around and I have to readjust them... so, do I buy the $50 body pillow or what? Does anyone have one, and is it worth it? If it will truly improve my sleeping the next couple of months, then it would be worth it.


And, to wrap this post up, I must tell you how goofy my stomach looks. It is not cute and round. It is like a torpedo projecting from my body. The biggest part is right below my belly button (which is huge and stretched out). I look huge. Pictures to come... I'm wearing a really ugly outfit right now, and cannot take a picture.

Oh, and I've gained 30 pounds. Yep.

Thankful

I can't believe how much can change in a year. Not even a year ago, Sean and I were trying to get pregnant and had no idea why it wasn't happening. I guess we had been trying for several months at that point, and I was getting pretty frustrated. Not long after I made that post (and after the urging of a friend who thought "something wasn't right"), I went to my new doctor, was diagnosed with a uterine fibroid, and had surgery.

And now, here I am, typing this while my unborn son wiggles all over in my belly. I've got a crib in the bedroom down the hall. Next month I'll be going to my very own baby shower. My son will be here in less than three months. I can't believe it. I am absolutely floored at how my prayers have been answered totally and completely.

With Thanksgiving next week, I know exactly how much I have to be thankful for. I am amazed. I can't wait to see what another year brings!

Top Ten Thoughts This Week

1. Acid Reflux
Sucks.

2. Breech baby?
I'm feeling lots of crazy-low movement. I think this little stinker is breech. I hope he moves... but on the other hand, I am totally freaked about pushing him out, so maybe a c-section wouldn't be so bad?

3. Did I just get hit on?
I met a very friendly dad at Open House the other night. It is very possible that he was interested in more than his child's progress in math class. But that can't be possible, right? I mean, I'm seven months pregnant!

4. My Dog is Horny
Jet had his way with a blanket yesterday. This poor dog needs a girlfriend. There's a really good chance that he'll be a daddy sometime next year... so cute little Jet puppies will be available! Let the line start here!

5. The Real Housewives
Holy crap- the OC wives are so hot! I'm so glad I live in Richmond, Texas and not Coto de Caza! I can't compete with that! Just thinking of how much time they must spend grooming each day exhausts me.

6. Organizing, is it worth it?
I decided to organize my recipes. I'm now thinking that this is way too big of a job and maybe I should just shove all this stuff in a box. These are also my feelings on scrap booking.

7. Should I be buying stuff?
I don't have any baby stuff. Should I be buying stuff, and what?!? This boy will be here in less than three months and I am not prepared.

8. I should live in Venezuela.
I had the sweetest mom tell me how she "knew I was expecting a boy, because I'm getting prettier and prettier!" Her son agreed. Ha! She said that "in her country, everyone knows if you're having a boy your skin looks amazing, and you glow!" I think I should live in her country. Or in Mexico City- because one of my brother-in-law's friends, Juan Pablo, said the same thing. I love it!

9. Tired and Mean.
I picked a stupid, ugly fight with Sean last night. I think I just got too tired and took it out on him. I feel terrible about it. I hope I'm not always this mean. I don't even know what to say now. It was that bad.

10. Holidays.
I love, love, love the holidays. But it's starting to become obvious that with my parents separated, things are going to be different this year. I'm OK with different, but I don't know if my whole family is OK yet. I'm a little nervous about what to expect.

Pregnant Rambling (That's right, I'll blame it on pregnancy as long as I can!)

I'm 29 almost 30 weeks... and so OK. I know I look pregnant at this point. But, really...

Girl 1: Mrs. Hale, your belly is so big!

Girl 2: Yes, you know, we were so worried about Mrs. Bass. (Mrs. Bass is also expecting)

Me: You were?

Girl 1: Yes! I mean, your belly went from here to here (imagine her showing about a 2 foot growth) and Mrs. Bass' belly only went from here to here (imagine her showing about a 2 in growth). Right now, you look like my mom did right before she had my little brother. (Reminder: I am not due until Feb. 8)

I say: Well, you don't need to worry, Mrs. Bass' baby is perfect, and everyone's belly looks different when they are pregnant, blah, blah, blah...

I'm thinking: WHAT?!? Seriously? Can I get a break?

(We actually ran into Mrs. Bass as the girls were telling me this, and we both had a good laugh! Mrs. Bass is a petite woman, and her belly has definitly grown more than two inches! I may still look huge... but I don't look like I'm about to give birth, right?)

Kids really have a way of keeping me humble.

So, Sean is away deer hunting and it's just me and Jet here at the house. It's a little lonely. Even though Sean just wants to watch football and surf the internet either on the laptop or his phone (he's not picky) I still like him here. You know, someone to talk at.

On another, much more fun note, I am getting so excited about the holidays!! I swear I may be one of the only adults in the world who thinks about Christmas and my heart skips a beat! I get butterflies when I think about Christmas lights and cookies and egg nog and ham and all the side dishes and chocolate and stockings and decorating!!! I love all the holiday parties and the dressing up and gift giving and getting! I love Christmas!! I also love Thanksgiving- I'm really looking forward to sweet potatoes and jalapeno corn casserole! And stuffing! And cranberries! And having three days off of school! I can't wait to start baking cookies. I already made 240 chocolate covered cherries last weekend. I loved every minute of it. I ate about 10. I have also been having my fair share of hot chocolate lately- the cooler weather begs for it! I will no doubt make some tonight.

And now I really have nothing of importance to say (and I'm not quite sure anything else I've written is all that important) and I'll be logging off. Maybe I'll come up with something interesting to talk about soon... probably not. I'm just totally consumed with being pregnant and all, so I'm getting totally boring.

Kids: Still Cracking Me Up

My belly hurts today. Too much ab stretching? Gas? Not sure.
I was groaning in class today and a kid asked if I was OK...


Me: Yeah, my belly just hurts a little today.

Kids: Maybe it's the baby!! Maybe he's kicking you really hard!

Me: No, I can tell when he's kicking. This is different.

A VERY concerned kid: Maybe he's BITING YOU!

Me: (chuckle) No, I don't think so.

Kids: Yeah! I bet he's biting you!

Me: Guys, he doesn't have any teeth. I'm sure he's NOT biting me. Let's move on.

Kid: Maybe you just need to go to the bathroom.


Awesome. I took the advice and felt a little better. HA!