After I have the baby...

I will lose all the weight I've gained, plus 5.
I will get facial liposuction.
I will work out more.
I will do crunches.
I will not eat sugar.
I will be bathing-suit ready by July.
I will get a tan (real or fake).
(I will try not to cry as I come to grips with reality. I can already hear all the moms laughing.)


For now, I will try not to look at any pictures of myself. It's like when you hear a recording of your voice and think, "do I really sound like that?" I look at a picture of myself and think, "do I really look like that? What the hell happened to me?" Pregnancy is beautiful- it's just not beautiful spread out all over my ass.


I am strong. I don't need the cheesecake. I don't need the pumpkin pie. I want the salad. I want the lean meat and skim milk. I want to exercise. I don't. Aww, shit.


On one hand, I want my body back and am ready to have the baby. On the other hand, I am freaked out about being a mom and what I'm actually going to be dealing with and I am not ready to have the baby. I also know that I sound like a huge baby and need to grow up. Why am I so pathetic? Why am I so obsessed with my pregnancy weight? And why do I share it so freely with the Internet world? (I start sweating when someone tells me in person that they read my blog. I immediately feel the need to apologize.)


BTW- in my haste to find the actual number of pounds I've gained, I messed up my mental math. I'm not up to 30 pounds yet, so far I've gained 25 pounds. I'm sure it'll be 30 by my next appointment. I needed to post that correction for very obvious reasons.


I read somewhere that you should take the pregnancy photos even if you don't think you want to, because someday you'll be happy you did. I disagree. Who wants to remember themselves when they were at their highest weight and lowest self-esteem? I think people are idiots.


I promise I'll stop bitching now. I'm even making myself nauseated.

(OK, completely unrelated... I changed my blog backgroud to the most boring ever because I keep having trouble with the formatting of my text. Was my background just uncompatible with blogger, or is blogger just really crappy? We shall see.)

(Also unrelated- I can't find the cord for my digital camera.  So... I  have lots of cute pictures to post and stories to tell, and can't.  Although I can't really use that as an excuse for this whiny post.)