Guilt Trip to HEB

Today was a pretty busy day. Carson and I went grocery shopping and that always wears us out. There's nothing quite like pushing around a heavy cart and carrying a 20 pound baby who's "talking," kicking, and trying to grab everything he can reach.

So tonight, all I wanted to do was veg out on the couch and watch trash TV but I decided to tackle one of the items on my list of ways to be a good wife and mother... I would cook a healthy dinner. Sean wasn't feeling very good so he didn't have a lot of patience for Carson's evening fussies. At one point I found myself chopping veggies while pots were sizzling on the stove, making lunches for tomorrow at the same time as I was shoving banana flavored puffs into my child's mouth to keep him happy (he hasn't quite figured out how to do this for himself... that will be a glorious day). After Sean and I took turns eating and holding Carson, I started to clean the kitchen. When bedtime came, I took Carson from Sean, nursed him and put him to bed, then picked right back up with the laundry, sweeping the floor, picking up baby toys, and sorting the mail. I accomplished nearly everything I had on my list today, and yet I just can't ignore this nagging voice in the back of my head that's saying I didn't do enough.

I'm not so worried about all the housework I could have fit in during Carson's nap time if I hadn't desperately needed a nap myself after our grocery store trip. I feel really, really worried that I didn't show Carson enough love today. I was so busy... does he feel neglected? Does he feel loved? Is he happy? How do I know for sure? Maybe I'm doing a terrible job at helping him grow and learn. I mean, there are probably babies out there who are speaking fluent sign language at Carson's age, and according to many TV infomercials he should be able to read any day now. What if his evening fussies are a sign that he's depressed? Can babies be depressed? What if I am finding things to worry about when there's nothing to worry about? What if I should be worried about something and I don't know what it is... yet?

I felt a sudden urge to search the Internet for all the things a good mother should be doing with her 7 month old... but I'm way too scared of how inadequate that will make me feel. I already feel guilty enough!

Is this just what it means to be a mom? Constant guilt? Guilt for what you do, and guilt for what you don't? Does anyone ever feel like they're a good enough mom?

I hope and pray that Carson feels even a fraction of how much I love him... and I pray that it's enough.

New top item on my list of ways to be a good wife and mother: love my baby and love my husband as much as I can every day. You know what? I think that's the only thing on the list. Does this mean I can stop cooking dinner and doing laundry?