This past week, I've found myself thinking lots about things that are dumb. Things that only make me sad and aren't worth any time thinking about and yet I sometimes can't stop myself. And, then, I find myself semi-wallowing in self-pity (I say semi-wallowing because with a small child, I cannot enter into full-wallowing mode since it's not really OK to curl up in a ball on your couch for days in a row when you have to take care of another human). It's not pretty.
These things include, but are not limited to:
body image
feeling left-out, unwanted, unappreciated
wondering why everyone else is having so much more fun than I am
You know, really dumb stuff.
Last night it happened again... I was feeling pretty darn good after a date to Outback with my honey, and a stop afterwards at TuttiFrutti for some frozen yogurt that I've been OBSESSED with lately... and then I did a little perusing on good old Facebook. And then saw a little reminder that sometimes, people get together without me. (I know, criminal, right?!? How dare they? Yeah. I said I was dumb.)
It made me start longing for the days when I was free as a bird and was always out socializing, heck, WORK was social hour for me before I began staying home with Carson. I'm kind of a social person. (Probably why I share my life with all of you Internet people.) I loved that. I loved the feeling that I was very, very cool and lots of people wanted to hang out with me.
Now that I'm home with Carson... not so much. Things just change. People have to move on and do new things and I get it, and I accept it, but sometimes I just have a hard time with it. Being around people day in and day out led to impromptu get-togethers... now I have to take a much more aggressive role in getting out to socialize. It doesn't just happen without me pursuing play dates, or inviting people over for dinner, or going out to visit friends... it's just very, very different. And to be honest? I don't like this part of staying at home. Nope. Not so much.
After a little pity party, and yet another confession to my hubby that I am indeed, not perfect (like he needed me to tell him that) and I was a little... jealous.... he reminded me that I have nothing to be jealous of or sad about and that I have LOTS of great friends, even if I don't see them all as often as I used to. (I believe he actually just said: "JoDee. You know who your friends are." But I'm pretty sure that I elaborated on his idea the way he would have if he were more of a "talker.")
And not minutes after that, I got a call from one of my favorite friends ever, inviting me (with or without baby or husband- cause she's that awesome) to her house tonight for nachos and a movie! It perked me up right then... but it really perks me up now, this morning, when I've had a chance to sleep on it and realize that I am a very blessed woman. I'd like this feeling to stick around for a while... I mean, how long will it take before I truly get over the fact that my life is different with a baby? And mostly, different-GREAT! I love that little bugger. He's so bad, and yet so cute at the same time. Hopefully this little Internet confession will take me a step closer to being not-so-dumb anymore. That would be great.
(I've got some seriously cute Carson videos I'm going to post just as soon as I can get Sean to help me with a little editing... stay tuned for some adorableness!!)
Green Denim Divided Basket & Diaper Pouch
4 years ago
Good grief, JoDee. You're writing about me, here!! I wallow in self-centered thoughts far too often - your list of things at the top of your post is #s 1, 2, and 3 on my "dumb" list too! I tell Ryan all the time that I probably have too much time to think... without regular adult conversation during the day, my mind tends to wander into areas that I KNOW aren't healthy. It's been a constant battle for 5 years now!! Sheesh. I wonder if it's common with SAHM's. It does help to be proactive, as you said, in getting out and finding that adult interaction, and truly enjoying time with friends when it happens. I'm trying to be much better about this, but honestly starting to pray whenever I realize I'm on that downward thought spiral really works too.
ReplyDeleteEnough of my rambling!! ENJOY your evening with friends!!! :)
JoDee, you are not alone. I feel left out all the time! I never thought I was an insecure person in that department, but I really have felt left out a lot in the past 6 months. So if you're feeling that way, give me a call. We'll make our own party. Not the same kind of party, but it's guaranteed to be loud, crazy, and most likely entertaining. :)
ReplyDeleteAh, boo! Hate that you're feeling that way. I think everyone occasionally has similar feelings and insecurities. But you're right - sometimes it is particularly acute when you're at a different stage in life than some of your friends. Married/not married, kids/no kids, working/stay-at-home etc...
ReplyDeleteAnd no one is really having as much fun as they seem to be on FB. They just don't post about the not-so-fun times. Researchers at Stanford agree, so you know it's true! http://healthland.time.com/2011/01/27/youre-not-alone-misery-has-more-company-than-you-think/#ixzz1CXNYwhe2
Anyway, I love the part about what Sean said (and what he meant to say). And I love you!
Thanks so so much Sara, Bradi, and Michelle!! It feels good to know I'm not alone with my insecurities. It just felt good to get it all out, actually.
ReplyDeleteGREAT article, Michelle. I bookmarked that one. Thanks for passing it on!!!